goldringers

It's Ringers m8 I would have been spotted using my phone while driving and fined

Dog shit, fookin sick of walking up the paths on the estate dodging dog shit, I've never known so much. Then there's some rental proprties yellow net curtain up job with a tiny garden riddled in dog shit were the owners undone front door, dogs crapped in the front garden, shut door. The other day I'm driving onto the estate there's a guy with a dog just coming out the shit position big turd smack bang on the path. He was just about walk off I shouted, "I hope your picking that up?" He said broken English big black African guy "I have no bags I will go home come back" I said, "If your taking your dog for a walk, you should have bags on you pal, first thing you should think of or do you do it all the time ?" That triggered him into a volley of abuse calling me every name under the sun and a nosey fcuk He fcuked off left it there and when I drove past later that night it was still there. 1) if your not prepared to pick up after your dog you shouldn't have one. I don't know what it is of late but the paths near me theres a dog shit every 5 yards It's like playing fookin twister coming back from the shop on foot. And when you bladdered I'll guarantee you'll hit one

"The fun is in the chase" The fun is in opening them along with shelled peanuts. I have mastered the one handed pistachio opening technique using my thumb nail. My wife secretly watched me the other night as I ripped through a bag in no time while operating the remote and phone with the other, its highly impressive. i can only imagine wherever these pistachios are processed and bagged they have had to employ an extra person just to bag up all the loose nuts there's that many fookin missing !!

So I enjoy a beer or cider at the weekend say Sat night bit er football or boxing and I always have a bag of pistachio shelled nuts at hand Over the past month or so I've noticed that half the shells have no fuckin nut inside and worse this lost nut isn't even loose in the bag at the bottom. I counted last time and out of a bag I had roughly 40 nuts with hijacked shells. I reckon that before this they would bag the loose nut in the bag but now they've removed them and they must get used say for crushed sprinkles or something. At first I thought it was a one off from Aldi but I tried Asda's and it was not far off the same loads of fully opened shells no nut. I reckon they purposely over cook so the widen and the nut falls out. If I wanted a bag of shells I'd asked for them. Telling ya, everyone's ripping us from every angle. There's that much going on no one cares no more

Right let's nip this one in the bud I was mearly pointing out what went on on a flight .... This could lead us all debating politics. Yes I understand there's a means to an end but let's not

There's lots of documented cases were asylum seekers went home last Xmas for holidays especially Albanians who then flew back in. How? fuck knows but there's a loop hole everywhere. But the woman I know who works for the airline said their like animals. She's far from racist or anything she's probably more left than right always forgiving but this first hand experience has pushed her the other way. It's only when you come face to face with it. There's a house at then end our our street just been rented. A black African family have moved in. Within 3-4 months the frontage fencing garden is a shit hole. I'd say there's at least 6-8 in there. 2 x 71 plate Honda Civics on the drive no curtains up and grass and weeds 3ft tall fence panels blown out. I got told they've all come here and have something to do with this born again Christian evangelical church up the road. They had a barbeque all on them from the church must have been 100+ left their shit everywhere and I mean everywher bang in the middle of two football pitches Sat/Sun play on. Honestly I keep saying, I feel sorry for my lot. If it was a gang of locals doing it you could bollock um but black from the church you'd get arrested

Now I'm not going down the path of politics illegals all that shite but here's one I got told. Wife's m8 has worked on a big UK airline cabin crew for years. She was given the job of been on a flight were their deporting illegals. She watched them sign for (most refused or X) for their £2k pre loaded card. Then once the flight landed the crew still have to follow protocol by standing at the plane doors thanking everyone. They all got off saying thank you and most in broken English said "Thank you seen you again, we come back for more money soon hehehe" But what's the worrying bit They will They can simply fly back in and claim asylum saying they were attacked when they got home most claiming it's because their gay. What a broken messed up fuck up of a country we have. I honestly feel sorry for my 3 going up in this multi cultural shit hole

Honestly it drives me insane. I use to put up loads of decs at the beginning of December just for my kids but that's ended thank God. There's a woman on TikTok who's fully decorated the house already, lights, reindeers snowman the lot then sits there all night in a live chat wrapping fookin presents with Christmas songs blasting out. That for me is mental illness and if I were her neighbor they'd be getting cut

I dropped into Home Bargains the other day as my local superstore Tesco stopped selling garden stuff about a month ago. I was after some lawn feed and some strong weed killer but getting hold of the stuff without driving to half a dozen stores is unreal. Anyway, I goes into Home Bargains, quick nosey, couldn't see any so I asked a shop worker who said it's all been removed from the shelves as it's seasonal. I said it's summer surely that's the season plants and weeds grow. She said try the 3 isle there might be reduction stuff if your lucky. So I gets to isle 3 and what am I faced with ? FOOKIN 50FT OF FOOKIN CHRISTMAS DECARATIONS!!! Kids have only just gone back to school and we're been bombarded with Christmas shit 4 months off. Honestly, the world's gone fookin mad stark raving bonkers. I have to head right over town to B&Q when I've a Screwfix right near me who also doesn't sell it

I'll give that a go And what's with the price of fly spray these days?. I drops in Tesco's and I thought I'll pick some up for the normal flies £4:50 !! They can go and get fooked good style !!

It's been nearly a month since I last moaned so I feel I've done well but here goes;- Up till last week I hadn't seen one fruit fly then like a biblical holocaust of locust the fookers laid siege in my kitchen. A few of wife's m8 said the same thing they all appeared around the same time. So like Baldric I had a cunning plan, cider vinegar drop of fairy. Little did I know these fruit flies of mone had come equipt and prepared. They had silicone slip on boots to aid them to gently walk along the edge of the dish lid stopping only only to snigger. Not one fooker took the death dive. An hour past and I thought, there should be at least 4 or 5 stuck to my potion but oh no... They were sat on the edge taking the odd drink then resting up on the rim. We have a food waste bin with a pretty tight sealed lid so how the fook do about 20 get in there then in the dark then have a fookin blind man's disco ??. As soon as you open the lid it's like scene from Alfred Hitchcock's "Birds" These bastard's are the next gen fruit fly that with evolution they've developed A.I. powers basically taking the piss out of me. I crept up close the other day and there it was, sat on a vertical blind gathering U.V's like a solar panel recharging for its next move. I flicked it right up the shitter and in that split second it disappeared only to walked straight across the lense on my fookin specs. And fly spray ? Why are they fookin immune to the stuff their like Chernobyl flies. Question is, Other than me locking every door & window and not venturing out till October how the Jesus Mary and Joseph do you eliminate these top shagging flies cause they breed faster than rabbits !!

Honestly this fooker was huge, even me daughter from the upstairs window could see it flapping around while I'm in full Hong Kong Phooey mode chopping fresh air while she's just pissing herself in laughter

Just on the subject of large garages like F1, Halfords Euromaster who do these Wowcher Groupon deals. Well a friend of mine suffered a similar fate only a few days back. He had a long drive to attend a funeral on the south coast then saw the scorching weather due early this week. He then decided to take his car locally to a Euromaster for a re gas and first thing they said was "Were struggling to get gas in it, well just take it for a quick spin" why for a spin I don't know 30 minutes later they announced "All sorted" but never said what the issue was. So he sets off Sunday for the long journey then that night he messaged me saying it looks like he's suffered the same fate as me as the air con was shit, he said it was just like having the blower on just warm outside air pumping out the air con. So it seems these big All-in-One machines these company garages use?, they self diagnose but sometimes things like this need an experienced hands on approach when there's an issue. He said it's going back later this week and if no joy he'll get the guy who did mine to go over it and tell him why and what's wrong

So the manager rings and starts of highlighting bullet points in my email in his words things that don't add up. So he starts off on about the MOT ramp failing and why and what regs say about doing MOTs on other ramps. I had to stop him and say, in my email I said that the ramp failing is just bad luck and nothing I could do about that, basically these things happen. I said that's not my main gripe I'm more bothered about my appointment been moved and not been told then been told they phoned me when they didn't which he said, he might have dialed the wrong digit to which I replied, he had no problem Monday ringing the right number and why didn't he leave a message right or wrong number ?. I didn't wanna argue I just wanted the guy to know of the garage failures. He then started on about the dials on the headlight up down button saying I said it wrong. He said 4 is a low beam 0 is high beam, I said your wrong pal, you turn it to 4 when you a load to lift the beam he said ooooo ok I'll thought at least do your fuckin homework on my car model if your gonna try pick holes in my email. What I was pointing out was, I've took cars in the past to garages were they slip off the smellie hanging off the mirror rather than an advisory. I told him, that dial was moved and not by me. In the end I ended up saying, look this ain't a court room were I have to defend myself. Lots of stuff was wrong, lots, and if you wanna say it's my fault not a problem but do not call me a liar pal. He then mentioned that the air con machine is a plug n play job so any slight tiny doubt by the machine it fails. I said it's probably cost £1000's that machine and cost you £1000's in sales switching off when not needed. I wasn't having any of this managerial bollocks. I just said look I'm ending it here I don't want these lads at the garage roasting, they need educating because if their not trained up they'll cost you a lot of custom. Then He said I've noticed we've refunded you twice for the air con gas (I'd not checked my bank) so we will let you have both as a good will gesture. I said both? You'll let me have both ?? You mean 1 ??? You owed me one I thanked and put phone down. Only once in the whole 10 minutes conversation did he apologise for all the fuck ups, he was more hellbent on debating my timetable of the events. Had he just start of by apologising that would have been it a 2 minute call but to challenge my email from the off?. Anyway I won't be writing no shit review what's dones done, main thing is I'll never use them again