goldringers

I went Port Vale football Sunday so I books a Justpark. The car parks at the back of the away end on a health centre 12-6pm ideal. So we gets there and parks up at the front of this big health centre and sees cameras everywhere so we're thinking vehicle reg cameras all done n dusted. We nips in the health centre just to use the toilet when my son asks at the reception Are we ok there ? She said No No You need to go round the back and speak to 2 officials in Viz. We walks round and there they are hidden round the corner. The only sign that was there was Away Visitor's Coaches We then gave the guy my reg who then logs it on tablet and I had to move my car from the front to around the back. I says that's bollocks that you need get a fuckin sign up saying something like JustPark pre booked parking speak to a steward or something because if you just parked without this dashboard ticket you'd get fined. After a quick check he said: On average about 6-8 cars get fined for parking on the front without a machine paid ticket thinking it was a Justpark pre paid rather than come to us. I said your fault that pal get your shit sorted out and signs up !! and the parking fee fine £50 10 got done from Bolton the other week Which left me with a smile

I decided to bring a portable karaoke machine I have from the loft but its very loud, put AC/DC on for 2 hours while I went out shopping. Got back, silence mine had run out there's was off, they got the message

I don't mind local builder having a radio on when working but today there was 3 lads working in next doors garden with banging fookin donk nonsense music full blast. This wasn't for an hour or two all fooking day so after 5 hours of this music I went round and asked them to turn it down a bit. They did I'd say one notch and proceeded for another 2 hours with nonsense none entity drivel shite music ripping my ear drums apart. I can't even call it music just a pile of shite I could write on my keyboard by falling on it I'm hoping they've done because if they've not I will be bringing down my EV's from the loft along with the 1000watt mixer amp and they can listen to AC/DC for 8 hours while I go out for the day. Like I said, yeah have your music on, fine, but the type of music and the level it was at was a fookin joke tbh taking the piss

It's Ringers m8 I would have been spotted using my phone while driving and fined

Dog shit, fookin sick of walking up the paths on the estate dodging dog shit, I've never known so much. Then there's some rental proprties yellow net curtain up job with a tiny garden riddled in dog shit were the owners undone front door, dogs crapped in the front garden, shut door. The other day I'm driving onto the estate there's a guy with a dog just coming out the shit position big turd smack bang on the path. He was just about walk off I shouted, "I hope your picking that up?" He said broken English big black African guy "I have no bags I will go home come back" I said, "If your taking your dog for a walk, you should have bags on you pal, first thing you should think of or do you do it all the time ?" That triggered him into a volley of abuse calling me every name under the sun and a nosey fcuk He fcuked off left it there and when I drove past later that night it was still there. 1) if your not prepared to pick up after your dog you shouldn't have one. I don't know what it is of late but the paths near me theres a dog shit every 5 yards It's like playing fookin twister coming back from the shop on foot. And when you bladdered I'll guarantee you'll hit one

"The fun is in the chase" The fun is in opening them along with shelled peanuts. I have mastered the one handed pistachio opening technique using my thumb nail. My wife secretly watched me the other night as I ripped through a bag in no time while operating the remote and phone with the other, its highly impressive. i can only imagine wherever these pistachios are processed and bagged they have had to employ an extra person just to bag up all the loose nuts there's that many fookin missing !!

So I enjoy a beer or cider at the weekend say Sat night bit er football or boxing and I always have a bag of pistachio shelled nuts at hand Over the past month or so I've noticed that half the shells have no fuckin nut inside and worse this lost nut isn't even loose in the bag at the bottom. I counted last time and out of a bag I had roughly 40 nuts with hijacked shells. I reckon that before this they would bag the loose nut in the bag but now they've removed them and they must get used say for crushed sprinkles or something. At first I thought it was a one off from Aldi but I tried Asda's and it was not far off the same loads of fully opened shells no nut. I reckon they purposely over cook so the widen and the nut falls out. If I wanted a bag of shells I'd asked for them. Telling ya, everyone's ripping us from every angle. There's that much going on no one cares no more

Right let's nip this one in the bud I was mearly pointing out what went on on a flight .... This could lead us all debating politics. Yes I understand there's a means to an end but let's not

There's lots of documented cases were asylum seekers went home last Xmas for holidays especially Albanians who then flew back in. How? fuck knows but there's a loop hole everywhere. But the woman I know who works for the airline said their like animals. She's far from racist or anything she's probably more left than right always forgiving but this first hand experience has pushed her the other way. It's only when you come face to face with it. There's a house at then end our our street just been rented. A black African family have moved in. Within 3-4 months the frontage fencing garden is a shit hole. I'd say there's at least 6-8 in there. 2 x 71 plate Honda Civics on the drive no curtains up and grass and weeds 3ft tall fence panels blown out. I got told they've all come here and have something to do with this born again Christian evangelical church up the road. They had a barbeque all on them from the church must have been 100+ left their shit everywhere and I mean everywher bang in the middle of two football pitches Sat/Sun play on. Honestly I keep saying, I feel sorry for my lot. If it was a gang of locals doing it you could bollock um but black from the church you'd get arrested

Now I'm not going down the path of politics illegals all that shite but here's one I got told. Wife's m8 has worked on a big UK airline cabin crew for years. She was given the job of been on a flight were their deporting illegals. She watched them sign for (most refused or X) for their £2k pre loaded card. Then once the flight landed the crew still have to follow protocol by standing at the plane doors thanking everyone. They all got off saying thank you and most in broken English said "Thank you seen you again, we come back for more money soon hehehe" But what's the worrying bit They will They can simply fly back in and claim asylum saying they were attacked when they got home most claiming it's because their gay. What a broken messed up fuck up of a country we have. I honestly feel sorry for my 3 going up in this multi cultural shit hole

Honestly it drives me insane. I use to put up loads of decs at the beginning of December just for my kids but that's ended thank God. There's a woman on TikTok who's fully decorated the house already, lights, reindeers snowman the lot then sits there all night in a live chat wrapping fookin presents with Christmas songs blasting out. That for me is mental illness and if I were her neighbor they'd be getting cut

I dropped into Home Bargains the other day as my local superstore Tesco stopped selling garden stuff about a month ago. I was after some lawn feed and some strong weed killer but getting hold of the stuff without driving to half a dozen stores is unreal. Anyway, I goes into Home Bargains, quick nosey, couldn't see any so I asked a shop worker who said it's all been removed from the shelves as it's seasonal. I said it's summer surely that's the season plants and weeds grow. She said try the 3 isle there might be reduction stuff if your lucky. So I gets to isle 3 and what am I faced with ? FOOKIN 50FT OF FOOKIN CHRISTMAS DECARATIONS!!! Kids have only just gone back to school and we're been bombarded with Christmas shit 4 months off. Honestly, the world's gone fookin mad stark raving bonkers. I have to head right over town to B&Q when I've a Screwfix right near me who also doesn't sell it

I'll give that a go And what's with the price of fly spray these days?. I drops in Tesco's and I thought I'll pick some up for the normal flies £4:50 !! They can go and get fooked good style !!

It's been nearly a month since I last moaned so I feel I've done well but here goes;- Up till last week I hadn't seen one fruit fly then like a biblical holocaust of locust the fookers laid siege in my kitchen. A few of wife's m8 said the same thing they all appeared around the same time. So like Baldric I had a cunning plan, cider vinegar drop of fairy. Little did I know these fruit flies of mone had come equipt and prepared. They had silicone slip on boots to aid them to gently walk along the edge of the dish lid stopping only only to snigger. Not one fooker took the death dive. An hour past and I thought, there should be at least 4 or 5 stuck to my potion but oh no... They were sat on the edge taking the odd drink then resting up on the rim. We have a food waste bin with a pretty tight sealed lid so how the fook do about 20 get in there then in the dark then have a fookin blind man's disco ??. As soon as you open the lid it's like scene from Alfred Hitchcock's "Birds" These bastard's are the next gen fruit fly that with evolution they've developed A.I. powers basically taking the piss out of me. I crept up close the other day and there it was, sat on a vertical blind gathering U.V's like a solar panel recharging for its next move. I flicked it right up the shitter and in that split second it disappeared only to walked straight across the lense on my fookin specs. And fly spray ? Why are they fookin immune to the stuff their like Chernobyl flies. Question is, Other than me locking every door & window and not venturing out till October how the Jesus Mary and Joseph do you eliminate these top shagging flies cause they breed faster than rabbits !!